A History of Waltham
Forest - For
a time, there was a big dark Forest. This Forest was so big and
so dark that people were afraid to go in. This Forest was called
Waltham Forest and the only way there was by the MXXV, an old
Roman Road that was cursed so that travellers always got stuck
on it and had to turn back.
The darkest and most terrible part of the forest, where you were
certain get lost and wander around for ever until you died, was
called Leyton Municipal Offices.
Somewhere on the Northern side of the Forest, there lived an awful
creature called Norman the Tebbitroll who later gave his name
to Tebbiton. Later he was sent to a special home for the totally
barking it's called the House of Lords and is in London.
For some reason this later became known as Chingford, the home
of Sir Bunkum Duncan.
was wicked enough and used to ride around on a bike and swoop
down and capture children and eat them - sometimes he would gobble
up whole schools! He used to call them "Gobbled by Maggie"
or GM schools. He ate nearly all the children in Tebbiton.
Many years later Little Boy Blair made him spit them all out -
only for a horrible swamp creature called the Bogblunkett to eat
them up again!
The only people who would try to stop him were those they called
the Nutters of Waltham Forest.
Doggy Dog who was their leader lived at Ham Hall like a king himself
didn't help them very much.
to hope that Kinnochio the People's Friend would help, but he
was made of wood. He told so many lies his nose got too long and
his head fell off!
However wicked Norman, or Lord Bike as he later became, was only
the servant of the Wicked Witch of West who ruled over the land
of Barmia for what seemed like a hundred years and it was
never Christmas. Such terrible spells she worked! She made hundreds
of coal mines, factories, schools, teachers, hospitals, doctors
disappear in flash, leaving the poor people broke and homeless
but she didn't care oh no! She was only happy when
she was making people (except her friends of course) very sad.
The Wicked Witch
of the West - aaggh
Go back now!!
She made friends with many an evil wizard, necromancer and torturer.
One of her best friends was a Witch king called Raygun - the president
of the United Sorcerers Association. She was dead keen to join
this Association, so she was always sucking up to him saying "Yes
Ronnie, no Ronnie, three sackfuls of missiles Ronnie." He
had a nasty friend called Pinnoshit and when Maggie wanted to
cast some vicious spells on the people of Argentina, he helped
Well to cut a long story short children, Maggie the Witch was
betrayed by her friends, particularly, Geoffrey the Sheep and
Tarzan. We all watched as Major John of "Brixton" (or
so he said) drove a steak through her heart. But as we know from
Lady Voldemorris - who is forever going on about Bogwarts School
and how she is going to turn it into a Specialist, Beacon school
for the Dark Arts - you can never be sure whether an evil spirit
will rise again and who it will take over.
We are pretty sure aren't we that Maggie's evil Project was for
her spirit to take over Tony so he's become a Blair Witch. It
seems so because his spells are even more wicked than hers are.
He's even making steel disappear, Schools and especially the teachers
are disappearing before our eyes! He keeps giving things to the
Gnomes as well. The Tubes, the buses, Education goodness knows
what else he' s taken off the people and given to the Gnomes.
Whatever shall we do? Do you know?
can help me then send an email to Uncle Ron at
Go back now!!